You don't have to feel like a wasted space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
- Katy Perry
I heard this song on one of my many long drives for work, and this verse brought me to tears. It made me think of Connor.
He is scared about all of this, and rightfully so. Not just because of the unknown, and not just because of his struggle with the ordinary stuff. But also, kids are mean. Kids say cruel things. Kids can be colder than even I am at times. He's afraid that he'll be picked on, left out or have some sort of stigma put on him. It's kind of a catch .22, really. I tell him to be strong, and to be proud of himself and who he is. I talk to him about this not being some sort of bad, affliction type thing, but just simply a trait. Like blond hair and gorgeous blue eyes, this is just something he may have been born with. But now, do I teach him to hide this, to keep it quiet? Isn't that sending the message that he has something to hide? UGH!! Where's the balance? What do I tell my son? One of the things I've learned in my "immersion" is that children with this "disorder" tend to be on the more sensitive side. Good and bad, Connor is highly sensitive, and uber-empathetic. Good times are on the horizon....gooooood times.
He is clearly relieved that the testing portion is over. I think he was starting to feel like a lab rat. In the meantime, I've been overwhelmed with ideas and practices to put into place to help, and I am still meeting almost daily with his teacher. We're still waiting for the definitive answer. That will, fingers crossed, come soon. I may have mentioned....I don't "do" waiting. Perhaps my son's mamma has a little ADD in her, as well?
So far, aside from the waiting, the worst part of all of this has been the EEG. If you've never seen your child pass out, you really don't want to. During the hyperventilation exercise they do to trigger a seizure (if the child is prone to them), Connor fainted. If you know me well, you'll understand that I became completely unhinged. STOP DOING THAT TO MY BABY!!!!! While security wasn't called, it was close. Fortunately, the technician knew some wrestling moves and was able to "calm me down" a little. Just kidding, no mothers were harmed during the event, it really was beyond my vocabulary to describe how watching that felt.