Monday, December 10, 2012

Wait, what?

Wow, it's sure been a while since I posted.  I'd like to be able to say that it's because I've been overwhelmingly busy (I have).  I'd like to blame it on "no news is good news" (it's not).  I'd like to blame it on a LOT of things, but the truth is painful.  The truth is....the apple didn't fall too far from the ADD tree.  Yeah, I forgot the web address to my own blog.  Shut up.

So, let's play catch up, shall we?  When I last vented...err....posted, Connor had just been diagnosed with ADD, and we, as a family, were ready to do battle.


We decided to not medicate him over the summer.  It seemed unnecessary.  We waited until he was a couple of weeks into the school year.  We wanted to get a baseline of behavior for his new teacher (who is awesome, by the way) and then begin the meds.  We thought that would be a great approach to gauge how he responded to the meds.  I was stoked, and ready to go.  Bring it on, success is ours!  I'm glad we did it this way, because....

They didn't work.  By that I mean, .5 mg of Adderal worked for about a week.  The first couple of days were AH-MAZE-ING.  Total turnaround for Connor.  In fact, you'll forgive me for getting all touchy-feely about this, we had a breakthrough moment, he and I.  The third morning he was on his "smart pills" something extraordinary happened.  For the first time in our life together, my son held my eye contact while we spoke.  I know that for those of you with "normal" kids, or no kids, this seems ridiculous.  It would to me too, except in the 9 years I've had this little package of awesome, he has never looked me in the eyes while we spoke.  He'd look past me, around me, at his feet, at his hands, at shiny things in the room, but NEVER directly in my eyes.  I cried.  Yes, me....shut up.

But then, not so much.  It just...stopped.  Except that he still had some of the side effects, one of them being "aggression".  If you know Connor, you understand how ridiculous a statement that is  If you don't know my son, I'll qualify.  Connor doesn't have an aggressive bone in his body.  I'd actually like him to be a little more ballsy, particularly with his sister from time to time.  "Aggression" in Connorland translates into "uncontrollable crying and meltdowns when facing an emotional obstacle".  It was awful....he was frequently inconsolable and out of control over simple things like, "no, you can't watch TV before you finish your homework."  Back to square one.

So, against my gut, the Psychiatrist prescribed the dreaded Ritalin.  I have HUGE issues with Ritalin, but most are seeded in the past, so I put them on a shelf.  Connor went from .5 mg of Adderal a day to .5 mg of Ritalin twice a day.  With no results.  None.  In fact, his attention span seemed to get worse daily.  He was on it for two weeks, and I had more notes home and impromptu conferences with his teacher during that time than we've had the rest of the year combined.

I let the Ritalin run out, and we're waiting to meet with the baby head shrinker tomorrow to discuss options and dosage.  I'm frustrated, Lance is frustrated, and Connor is getting tired of detentions and disappointment.  I try not to show the disappointment, because I'm afraid he'll think it's in HIM.  It's not, but he's a kid.  He won't understand that I'm just disappointed in the situation, and in myself for pinning my hopes on a magical and instant solution, when I know damned well it's going to take time and effort.  I can't help but think to myself, damn it....I've tried everything I can think of, and stuff that other people have thought of, to help this kid succeed!  We've modified diet (with HUGE resistance), sleeping habits, time plugged in....everything!  Now why can't the rest fall into place?!  I want an oompa loompa NOW, Daddy!  I digress....

So that's where we are.  I apologize, loyal readers (all two of you) for the long lag between posts.  I've written my login information down so it won't happen again.  Oh crap, where did I put that slip of paper....?